On Car-jacking, among other things...

There have been sightings of a huge bighead and a peaky stick figure with a weird thingy protruding from behind his right ear bumbling along on the roads of IIT Madras today after a long time. We were finally back to work again on our sorry excuse for a project for the week. After averaging barely two or three days a week schedule, it seemed to us all that the project was well in its way down the drain, especially after being lauded for the enthusiasm we showed (or not) by our either nice and naive or sensible and sarcastic professor. His comments did spark a new fervour in our otherwise sludgy and stagnated efforts. We entered into prolonged debates and discussions telling each other why it could not be done that way and why it was a roundabout waste of time. Moreover, we also did delve into the depths of our minds to tell whether our professor meant his compliments or not, a topic still on the table on grounds of a lack of conclusive evidence towards either possibility. Well, after weeks of ardent procrastination and a firm lack of interest, we had come to the conclusion that we had to do something about our project and that the moment was ripe to take the next step. It was at this juncture that we actually got around to doing something. After futile flounces in the steaming bowels of Richie Street, we finally bought a programmer that simply refused to work. Ever since, my project at IIT has been inching forwards showing vague signs of bleak progress. It was time my ever so close acquaintance and I put our heads together and came up with a list of things to do before we leave for our shantytown in Trichy. We did come up with a most elegant to-do list ranging from very novel and ingenious ideas like sniping from atop the elephant at Gajendra Circle to downright suicidal schemes like beleaguering our professor for a treat at Le Royal Meridian. More ludicrous ideas like finishing the project also came to mind, but was promptly rejected after deep hindsight. We did come up with a heavily orchestrated plan of novel car-jacking. Being more compact physically, my diminutive partner would distract the unsuspecting driver with neat tricks involving the common thumb detachment illusion, whilst I, more physically endowed, would wrest the car from the victim’s control. My partner, then, would feign protest and accidentally on purpose hit the accelerator and we zoom effortlessly to our desired location. Another attempt at tomfoolery involved poking our unpleasant noses into a documentary shot within the campus for a hitherto unknown reason. We would casually walk past the camera doing the cleverest of things like ballet dancing, acting drunk or slightly more subtle acts involving a foolish smile and a pretend maturity level of a two year old. Even digestive distress was on the agenda. Anyway, a thorough thesis on the subject will be put up after more meetings with my colleague and co-non-worker Pramod Emjay (kindly ask him what Emjay means if you’d love to see the imp go ballistic)

Flab, Food and NITT

As most of you who know me are aware, I’m chubby……. Okay really chubby… Fine, I can power New York City for a day if I start working out. So people around me thought something had to be done. After much nagging, wailing and gnashing of teeth, it was decided that our refrigerator is to be emptied of all things edible and replaced with stuff they feed sick antelopes in poorly maintained zoos. So, even I’ve been wondering, trying to rationalise the fact, breaking my head over how I ended up here in the first place. I’ve arrived at two main conclusions, the reasons for such a predicament. First of all, one must understand the laws of thermodynamics. Energy is conserved. And I’ve been conserving mine for the past nineteen years. As my high school teacher so prudently put it, “I think twice before lifting a finger”. Second of all, one must appreciate the importance of quality over quantity. Eat less, eat rich, that’s what I do. Even if it is a diminutive dessert, nothing short of extra sweet, extra creamy chocolate mousse (drool, drool...). Lunch would be just a single butter grilled sandwich but with mayonnaise dip seasoned with oregano and finely chopped mushrooms, for a dash of taste, coupled with some chips. So volume wise, it might not be much, but honestly, quality sits on the summit on this one. We buy so much cheese at home, on my recommendations, of course, that if we stopped right now, parts of Europe would enter a steeper recession. It’s a nice feeling you get when you know you’re propping an entire trade bloc’s economy up. Anyway, a monumental, apocalyptic, calamity has befallen yours truly; an ugly head in the shape of an empty fridge has shown up, infesting my household like a treacherous parasite. This catastrophic monstrosity of extreme proportions, popularly known as a diet, a will imposed upon me, was quite unflattering, frankly. Anyway, life must go on and therefore I still actively pursue my interests, for the most part, masterly indolence, chocolate mousse or not. As a result, I’ve managed to put on a few more pounds, partly because I deposit myself on a chair in front of my computer and more so because I’m at home. It’s kind of a jinx, really. Stay at home, I inflate ever so gradually, but surely, steadily. In fact, I’d genuinely like to find the reason behind such an irrational location dependent metabolism. As I went scouring for answers, the answer dawned upon me. While at home, I eat food, well, at least I’ve been brought up to believe as such, I eat nothing of that kind at college. We’re fed with the cheap quality fodder while the alfalfa goes to the numerous bovine friends that occupy our lands ever so smugly. Seriously, they have more freedom than we do. The onerous cows have become so much a part of our lives that you’ll get used to seeing the wretched beasts ambling along our corridors with trails of proof that they took the road not taken. Anyway, north would be north again, when I step into college for at least another week or two of living off my fat reserves, which ought to whip me back to some degree of respectable shape.


P.S. For effective slimming solutions, visit NITT, Tanjore Main Road,
National Highway 67,Tiruchirappalli - 620015,Tamil Nadu, India.
Lose 15lbs in a week or get your money back. **

**Conditions Applied.