Mein Kampf in reading Mein Kampf

No matter how much people reel and gag when you say you haven't read any of the classics, just keep in mind, classics are books everyone appreciates, but no one reads. I realised that when I tried reading what the most celebrated mass murderer of all time called his autobiography. Let me be frank, it was a tad more interesting than trying to see wallpaper dry. He goes on and on about things he hates like the communists, Jews, the Austrians, Jews, the Poles, Jews, the French, Jews, etc. Much as I admire his strong will of character in hating entire communities to the point of saying we'd be better off with millions dead, there must be a rational reason behind such animosity. His chapters about the commies, as they're affectionately called in the West, are slightly short of shockingly abusive. Not that I'm particularly fond of communism, in fact, I'm as hard lined against that system as any next door chap, I have my reasons for hating communism, them being, to the best of my knowledge, pretty rational. But what Hitler does here is that he completely demonises communism, calls it a Jewish conspiracy to take over the world, and glorifies them as manipulative megalomaniacs when they're just deluded simpletons who believe what they're doing is good for the society. He provides no concrete reason as to why communism wouldn't work, he never tackled the problem scientifically, pointing out the flaws in that form of society, but merely used the strongest words in the German vocabulary to mention how base communism is, and so elaborately does he punch in negative adjectives, that it pans out at least a dozen chapters in his, well, let's call it a book. His fractiously dogmatic views over anything even remotely non-German is quite tiresome, his irrationality over idealising things into pure good and quintessentially evil is even more trying. He's even more prejudiced when it comes to the Jews. Much as they, as I would understand, would provoke jealousy in the poorer masses owing to their success in finance and banking, it is no reason to kill them off. It sounds ridiculous when he says, kill the Jews, and create employment. By that logic, anyone could shoot all poor people to eliminate poverty. Slum clearances in the third world would be a breeze. All one has to do is set fire to one. It clearly is not a practical solution to handle the great depression. Not that the other countries handled it well either, Russia was immune to everything external due to its closed doors policy, USA was the worst affected, Britain and France, together, had half the world under their direct control to offload their debts onto. The colonies were the worst affected, but who'd know the difference if there's a drought in the Sahara? All I'm saying is that electing a hard-right mentally disturbed radical with an out-rightly professed controversial racial policy was the stupidest thing the Germans ever did, after signing the treaty of Versailles. His policy of employment for men alone is even more laughable. His reason for the Great Depression was that women are given lower salaries than men for equal work, which made large companies prefer women over men for employment thereby reducing the average income of the economy. This, he says, can be avoided by denying the woman's right to work. The concept of equal wages for equal work didn't enter the darkest corners of his scary mind. One couldn't blame his time for his views; the concept of gender equality was very much in vogue in the other western nations in the twenties. His foreign policy was the only acceptable idea of his, something that Germany should have done in 1900. Challenging the then superpower was something that Hitler believed as foolish and he sounds most earnest and sensible when he says one shouldn't overtly oppose the hegemony of a country that rules the world, but ally oneself with it. It was a good idea, Germany would have played the role Japan and near the thirties USA played. Such a Germany would never have irked the British and the French Empire, it would never have united the two most powerful countries in the world in an alliance against a country that is barely a century old. If only Bismarck thought the same way, we'd never have the world wars and well, who knows, we'd be living in a completely different world. His policy of British appeasement, we do know it was mutual, in the early thirties and at the same time driving a wedge between Britain and France was a masterstroke when it comes to stragteic diplomacy. He managed to stall a war, though with a lot of effort and foolish patience from other world leaders, that was unavoidable for nearly ten years. As much as these achievements may be, he was not and will never be regarded in the future as an able and diplomatic ruler and statesman. However efficient he may be at the art of war, peacetime government is played by different rules, and he would be clearly inept at handling a peaceful Germany that is split asunder and defenceless against heavyweights like Britain and France and at the same time battling the biggest economic crisis known to man that originated from the other side of the pond without a single colony to push deficits onto. I firmly believe, to this day, he'd be better off in the German army as a mere General or a Lieutenant than in a podium spreading dangerous ideas onto the impressionable. That way, Germany would have gained a valuable soldier and the world would have done without the horrors of holocaust. People with such extreme views are very dangerous and should never be given power. Throughout history, extremism and chauvinism of any kind has lead to nothing but bloodshed, one could quote numerous examples right from the christian crusades to the modern jihad. The funnier part is, I read the English translation, written by an Englishman, and therefore, you can expect France to take the flak for Germany's errant militaristic expansionism. According to that gentleman, France was the reason Germany felt so insulted and threatened after the First World War; France sought the independence of Catholic Rhineland and Bavaria to form a Catholic block from France to Austria dismembering Germany to counter British influence in Europe, as if European politics of the twentieth century was dictated by religion. As absurd as that notion sounds, it also reflects on the British view of events before the war.
I know I don't have to prove that his methods were flawed, it's just that it really astounds me as to just around half a century ago, people didn't know it was wrong to kill six million Jews just because they were all over the place. Trust me, as an Indian, I know how it is when people are all over the place. Anyway,the book was rather long and the narrative anaesthetic, but it is the most illuminating book from that period. It is one of the most informative books I've read. He provides a glimpse of the inter-war period like no one else; the first person view of a man-made international calamity is the best window one can look into for unadulterated information. It is not a book you read to while away time. Bottom-line, it's as descriptive as a history textbook but quite sadly, only just as interesting.

Three Little Pigs and many, many more

Actually, I've hardly been in Trichy since this term's started. I arrived a few days late, skived of a few more days two weeks later, and the same week, relief was brought about by a rather unexpected source of retribution on humanity. Yes, the pig has struck again, this time, with a vengeance. After starting rumours about suspected cases in college, my friend and I, I wouldn't divulge his name for security reasons, but you can read what he's got to say here, successfully started a wildfire, which successively took a more tangible form after every tree it consumed in its wake. Initially, we gave an anonymous Joe the dreaded swine flu, hoping the details would whip itself into shape, and funnily enough, we received the same rumour back again, only that our little anonymous friend now had a name, a year and his hostel mentioned. This had, sort of, exceeded our expectations, with wicked smiles of glee and lines from Shakespeare (the one about mischief being afoot and taking the course it wilts blah blah) being quoted every time someone mentioned the disease. So, panic spread, and one by one, everyone cleared the asylum, leaving the place to gather dust for the weekend. Classes got cancelled in waves of mass paranoia, with professors advising us to stay put in our rooms, words were hardly heeded to and we started sashaying about the campus celebrating the new found freedom, with frequent toasts to the lovable pig, our little sheep in wolf's clothing. However we later took a more serious stance and took off that evening, welcoming an extended weekend, a gift from the Swine God. Chennai greeted us with more paranoid losers, many wearing green underwear across their faces to protect themselves from God knows what (it'll get you anyway if it wants to, underpants or no underpants, by the way, get a life...); a meagre source of comic relief in these hard times. Anyway, I headed home with high hopes on my weekend, only to be crushed by the sensationalist harpies fluttering about in the halls of mass media, with over the top coverage and expressions of pretend seriousness on the anchors' botox stuffed faces. I know have been exiled indoors, but on the bright side, I'm at least home, away from the Sahara of college life, where clean rooms, cleaner bathrooms and a steaming cup of tea await me.

On Car-jacking, among other things...

There have been sightings of a huge bighead and a peaky stick figure with a weird thingy protruding from behind his right ear bumbling along on the roads of IIT Madras today after a long time. We were finally back to work again on our sorry excuse for a project for the week. After averaging barely two or three days a week schedule, it seemed to us all that the project was well in its way down the drain, especially after being lauded for the enthusiasm we showed (or not) by our either nice and naive or sensible and sarcastic professor. His comments did spark a new fervour in our otherwise sludgy and stagnated efforts. We entered into prolonged debates and discussions telling each other why it could not be done that way and why it was a roundabout waste of time. Moreover, we also did delve into the depths of our minds to tell whether our professor meant his compliments or not, a topic still on the table on grounds of a lack of conclusive evidence towards either possibility. Well, after weeks of ardent procrastination and a firm lack of interest, we had come to the conclusion that we had to do something about our project and that the moment was ripe to take the next step. It was at this juncture that we actually got around to doing something. After futile flounces in the steaming bowels of Richie Street, we finally bought a programmer that simply refused to work. Ever since, my project at IIT has been inching forwards showing vague signs of bleak progress. It was time my ever so close acquaintance and I put our heads together and came up with a list of things to do before we leave for our shantytown in Trichy. We did come up with a most elegant to-do list ranging from very novel and ingenious ideas like sniping from atop the elephant at Gajendra Circle to downright suicidal schemes like beleaguering our professor for a treat at Le Royal Meridian. More ludicrous ideas like finishing the project also came to mind, but was promptly rejected after deep hindsight. We did come up with a heavily orchestrated plan of novel car-jacking. Being more compact physically, my diminutive partner would distract the unsuspecting driver with neat tricks involving the common thumb detachment illusion, whilst I, more physically endowed, would wrest the car from the victim’s control. My partner, then, would feign protest and accidentally on purpose hit the accelerator and we zoom effortlessly to our desired location. Another attempt at tomfoolery involved poking our unpleasant noses into a documentary shot within the campus for a hitherto unknown reason. We would casually walk past the camera doing the cleverest of things like ballet dancing, acting drunk or slightly more subtle acts involving a foolish smile and a pretend maturity level of a two year old. Even digestive distress was on the agenda. Anyway, a thorough thesis on the subject will be put up after more meetings with my colleague and co-non-worker Pramod Emjay (kindly ask him what Emjay means if you’d love to see the imp go ballistic)

Flab, Food and NITT

As most of you who know me are aware, I’m chubby……. Okay really chubby… Fine, I can power New York City for a day if I start working out. So people around me thought something had to be done. After much nagging, wailing and gnashing of teeth, it was decided that our refrigerator is to be emptied of all things edible and replaced with stuff they feed sick antelopes in poorly maintained zoos. So, even I’ve been wondering, trying to rationalise the fact, breaking my head over how I ended up here in the first place. I’ve arrived at two main conclusions, the reasons for such a predicament. First of all, one must understand the laws of thermodynamics. Energy is conserved. And I’ve been conserving mine for the past nineteen years. As my high school teacher so prudently put it, “I think twice before lifting a finger”. Second of all, one must appreciate the importance of quality over quantity. Eat less, eat rich, that’s what I do. Even if it is a diminutive dessert, nothing short of extra sweet, extra creamy chocolate mousse (drool, drool...). Lunch would be just a single butter grilled sandwich but with mayonnaise dip seasoned with oregano and finely chopped mushrooms, for a dash of taste, coupled with some chips. So volume wise, it might not be much, but honestly, quality sits on the summit on this one. We buy so much cheese at home, on my recommendations, of course, that if we stopped right now, parts of Europe would enter a steeper recession. It’s a nice feeling you get when you know you’re propping an entire trade bloc’s economy up. Anyway, a monumental, apocalyptic, calamity has befallen yours truly; an ugly head in the shape of an empty fridge has shown up, infesting my household like a treacherous parasite. This catastrophic monstrosity of extreme proportions, popularly known as a diet, a will imposed upon me, was quite unflattering, frankly. Anyway, life must go on and therefore I still actively pursue my interests, for the most part, masterly indolence, chocolate mousse or not. As a result, I’ve managed to put on a few more pounds, partly because I deposit myself on a chair in front of my computer and more so because I’m at home. It’s kind of a jinx, really. Stay at home, I inflate ever so gradually, but surely, steadily. In fact, I’d genuinely like to find the reason behind such an irrational location dependent metabolism. As I went scouring for answers, the answer dawned upon me. While at home, I eat food, well, at least I’ve been brought up to believe as such, I eat nothing of that kind at college. We’re fed with the cheap quality fodder while the alfalfa goes to the numerous bovine friends that occupy our lands ever so smugly. Seriously, they have more freedom than we do. The onerous cows have become so much a part of our lives that you’ll get used to seeing the wretched beasts ambling along our corridors with trails of proof that they took the road not taken. Anyway, north would be north again, when I step into college for at least another week or two of living off my fat reserves, which ought to whip me back to some degree of respectable shape.


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National Highway 67,Tiruchirappalli - 620015,Tamil Nadu, India.
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**Conditions Applied.